How to Receive Feedback

In our last post, we laid out five steps on How to Ask for Feedback in order to accomplish your goals, work through challenges, and feel fulfilled.

But the reality is that’s only half the battle. Just as critical is taking the right approach to receive that oh-so-precious feedback you requested. Otherwise, it can turn into an in-one-ear-and-out-the-other scenario.

This week, we’ll dive right into part 2: How To Receive Feedback

How to Receive Feedback

Let’s assume you’ve followed the steps on how to ask for feedback from someone you trust. Before you “open the door”, so to speak, it’s important to be intentional about how you’re going to actually receive the message.

1) Adopt a growth mindset

By now, most people are probably aware of the difference between a fixed and growth mindset.

If you’re not, let’s quickly define them.

But let’s explore another perspective. Something I picked up in a leadership workshop years ago, called “already-always” thinking.

This is in reference to the way of thinking where we’re allowing our experimental biases dictate how we interpret information:

• I already know what you’re going to say or we already know what’s going to happen

• This always happens to me or you always do this

Our primitive brains are wired to protect us against threats. But in modern-day context, this “already-always” thinking approach can prevent us from being open to new possibilities, new perspectives, and even seeing things as they truly are.

We bring our biases to situations, and it blocks us from interpreting things purely.

Ultimately, when you ask for feedback, it will likely serve you best to adopt a growth mindset, ditch the “already-always” thinking, and prime yourself to take in feedback as if you’re hearing it for the first time.

2) Stay open and curious

To segue from the last step, it’s important to open yourself up to the feedback you’re about to receive. Think of it like a muscle that you can build up. It takes practice, and the more you do it, the more natural it becomes over time.

Remember, there’s a reason you asked this person for their perspective. It’s only doing you and them a disservice if you don’t listen to what they have to offer.

And when I say listen, I mean really listen. Refrain from asserting your beliefs or opinions, defending your choices or actions … just hear them out, fully, and without judgment.

3) Engage in discussion and provide additional context

Sometimes we start to get advice or feedback and we realize that the other person is missing a key piece of information. For example, perhaps:

• We forgot to include some context in the original request

• There has been a change since we first reached out

• Something dawned on you in the moment when speaking to them

Whatever the case, be sure to respectfully add any context that may have been missed.

Remember from our tips on Asking for Feedback that our focus should equally be on relationship-building as much as it is reaching our goal, if we’re striving for connection and fulfillment.

With that in mind, and if it feels right, approach this more like a conversation rather than a teaching moment.

It’s normal to sometimes feel unclear on what the person is trying to communicate. People’s realities are different.

Ask clarifying questions – “Why” is a powerful word. Use it.

Ask for examples, when appropriate.

Your goal at this point should be to gain a full understanding of the feedback that’s being provided to you, without judging or critiquing it.

4) Take the fish and leave the bones

I’m sure you’ve heard this phrase. I love it, not just because I’m a sucker for a fresh catch, but because it’s a great metaphor for receiving feedback.

Once you’ve gotten full clarity on what the other person is sharing, in the form of feedback, advice, guidance, direction, etc., now it’s time to interpret that feedback using your context.

Some or all of the advice might not apply, may not be relevant, or may be biased towards that person’s experience. Which is fine, and honestly, should be expected. Human beings are not naturally great at providing purely objective feedback.

It’s up to you to digest the words they’ve shared and determine how it applies best to your scenario, as well as how you might apply it, given your personality, beliefs, and natural approach.

5) Show appreciation and attribute as appropriate

We talked about showing appreciation when asking for feedback, but even more important after the fact.

When someone takes time out of their busy schedule to provide feedback, it’s likely because, first and foremost, they believe in you.

Take that in for a second.

As an over-thinker, (recovering) perfectionist, naturally defensive or sensitive person, or even just as a human being, we can often take any feedback we receive as criticism.

I challenge you to change that perspective.

Take the feedback as a gift – a stepping stone to the next stage, no matter how small, in the pursuit of a fulfilling life.

Pro Tip: Get multiple perspectives

If you’re lucky enough to have multiple trusted people in your life that are willing to support you, consider asking more than one person for feedback on the same issue.

Be warned: You may (read: will) receive conflicting advice.

You’ll have to be more disciplined in discerning what aspects of their advice you want to apply or act on.

The benefit, however, is that you’ll likely have a better understanding of the issue at hand, from multiple perspectives, which may open you up to seeing more options, more avenues, more possibilities for how to move forward.

The caveat here is that for some who have trouble being decisive or taking action, this can delay or even complicate your decision on how to handle your challenge.

I recommend testing this out and see how it works for you.

Let’s Hear From You

Do you have an example of a time you asked for feedback that was really impactful or changed your perspective? 

Reply to this email and let us know!

See Who’s LYVing

If you have’t watched the episode of This is Pop (Netflix) about T-Pain (labeled: Auto-Tune), it’s a pretty interesting story, one that affected the landscape of music in our modern generation. But behind the music is a guy who, for decades, struggled with depression and lacked confidence to show his true self.

For a little inspiration in being fully you, check out T-Pain’s Tiny Desk Concert here to see him overcoming adversity and showing his more authentic self:

See ya next week!

🥯 Bagel 🥯